What Executive Functioning Really Means (And Why It Matters More Than You Think)

If you’ve ever found yourself saying…

“Why do I have to remind my child ten times?”

“Why can’t they just get started?”

“They know what to do…so why isn’t it happening?”

“They’re so smart, but they forget the simplest things.”

You’re not alone.

These are some of the most common concerns I hear from parents as a pediatric occupational therapist. And while they may seem like behavior problems on the surface, they’re often connected to something much deeper:

Executive functioning.

Executive functioning is one of the most important—and most misunderstood—parts of child development. It’s involved in nearly everything children do throughout the day, from getting dressed in the morning to completing homework, managing emotions, following directions, and solving problems.

The good news? These skills develop over time. They aren’t something children are simply born knowing how to do, and they can absolutely be strengthened with practice, support, and the right strategies.

Let’s take a closer look.

What Is Executive Functioning?

Think of executive functioning as your child’s brain’s management system.

Imagine a busy office with dozens of employees. Every employee has a different job, but without someone coordinating everything, the office would quickly become chaotic.

Executive functioning is like the manager.

It helps the brain:

• Plan ahead

• Stay organized

• Remember important information

• Control impulses

• Manage emotions

• Adapt when plans change

• Get started on tasks

• Finish what was started

Rather than being one single skill, executive functioning is actually a collection of brain-based skills that work together every day.

These skills begin developing in early childhood and continue maturing well into the twenties. That means children are expected to struggle at times—they’re learning.

When we understand this, it becomes easier to replace frustration with curiosity and support.

Why Executive Functioning Matters

Executive functioning isn’t just important for school.

It’s involved in nearly every routine, activity, and interaction throughout the day.

Children rely on executive functioning to:

• Get ready for school

• Brush their teeth

• Complete homework

• Clean up toys

• Remember instructions

• Solve problems

• Wait their turn

• Transition between activities

• Handle disappointment

• Stay organized

• Complete chores

• Manage friendships

When executive functioning is challenging, almost every part of the day can feel harder.

What Executive Functioning Looks Like at Home

Many executive functioning challenges don’t look like what parents expect.

Instead, they often show up in everyday moments.

Maybe your child…

• Puts on one shoe…then completely forgets the other.

• Walks into the bathroom…then forgets to brush their teeth.

• Looks everywhere for their backpack while it’s already on their back.

• Needs several reminders to finish one morning routine.

• Melts down when plans suddenly change.

• Knows exactly what homework needs to be done but spends 30 minutes trying to get started.

• Cleans one tiny corner of the bedroom and believes they’re finished.

• Constantly asks, “What am I supposed to do again?”

• Forgets why they walked into a room.

• Becomes overwhelmed when given several directions at once.

Sound familiar?

These moments are incredibly common.

They’re also easy to misunderstand.

It’s Not About Intelligence

One of the biggest misconceptions about executive functioning is that children who struggle simply aren’t trying.

That’s rarely the case.

Some of the brightest, most creative children I work with have significant executive functioning challenges.

They may understand concepts well beyond their age.

They may have incredible imaginations.

They may amaze you with facts about dinosaurs, outer space, or animals.

Yet they still forget their shoes.

They still struggle to begin homework.

They still need reminders for daily routines.

Executive functioning isn’t a measure of intelligence.

It’s a measure of developing brain skills.

Why Some Children Struggle More Than Others

Every child is still developing executive functioning.

However, some children naturally need more support than others.

Executive functioning challenges are especially common in children with:

• ADHD

• Autism

• Sensory processing differences

• Anxiety

• Learning differences

• Developmental delays

That doesn’t mean something is “wrong.”

It simply means their brains may need additional supports while these skills continue to develop.

Understanding this allows us to meet children where they are instead of expecting skills that aren’t fully developed yet.

The Eight Core Executive Functioning Skills

Executive functioning is made up of eight core skills that work together every day.

Working Memory

Holding information in mind while using it.

Example: Remembering three directions without needing them repeated.

Attention

Focusing on what’s important while filtering distractions.

Example: Staying engaged during homework despite background noise.

Inhibitory Control

Thinking before acting and controlling impulses.

Example: Waiting for a turn instead of interrupting.

Organization

Keeping track of belongings, materials, and information.

Example: Knowing where school supplies and homework are located.

Task Initiation

Getting started on tasks without excessive delays or avoidance.

Example: Beginning homework after school instead of putting it off for an hour.

Cognitive Flexibility

Adjusting when plans change or trying a new strategy.

Example: Moving on when a game doesn’t go as expected.

Emotional Regulation

Managing emotions and recovering after disappointment or frustration.

Example: Taking a deep breath after losing a game instead of having a meltdown.

Time Management

Understanding time and planning accordingly.

Example: Estimating how long homework will take or getting ready on time.

These skills don’t work independently.

They’re constantly working together throughout the day.

What Executive Functioning Is NOT

When executive functioning is difficult, it’s easy to assume children are being:

• Lazy

• Defiant

• Stubborn

• Careless

• Unmotivated

But executive functioning challenges are not character flaws.

They are developing skills.

Instead of asking…

“Why won’t they do it?”

Try asking…

“What skill is making this difficult?”

That one question changes the entire conversation.

Simple Ways to Support Executive Functioning at Home

The best supports are often the simplest.

Break directions into smaller steps.

Instead of giving four directions at once, give one.

Allow your child to complete it before moving on to the next.

Use visual schedules.

Pictures and checklists reduce memory demands while increasing independence.

Create predictable routines.

The more automatic routines become, the less mental energy they require.

Prepare for transitions.

Give warnings before changing activities.

Examples include:

“Five more minutes.”

“One more turn.”

“After this puzzle, we’ll clean up.”

Think out loud.

Model your own thinking.

For example:

“I’m making a grocery list so I don’t forget what we need.”

Children learn a tremendous amount from hearing how adults organize and solve problems.

Celebrate effort.

Progress isn’t measured by perfection.

Celebrate the small victories.

Those moments build confidence and motivation.

Progress Takes Time

One of my favorite parts of being a pediatric occupational therapist is watching children grow.

Not overnight.

Not all at once.

But little by little.

The child who once needed ten reminders eventually needs five.

Then three.

Then one.

The child who couldn’t start homework independently begins sitting down without being asked.

The child who melted down during every transition begins taking a deep breath instead.

Those moments matter.

They’re evidence that the brain is learning.

Growth doesn’t happen because children are pressured to be perfect.

Growth happens because they’re supported while developing the skills they need.

Final Thoughts

If your child struggles with executive functioning, you’re not alone—and neither are they.

The goal isn’t to eliminate every challenge overnight.

The goal is to better understand what’s happening beneath the surface so we can respond with patience, support, and practical strategies that build lifelong skills.

Every reminder.

Every visual schedule.

Every calm transition.

Every successful morning routine.

Those small moments add up.

Because progress isn’t about perfection.

It’s about helping children become a little more confident, a little more independent, and a little more successful each day.

Continue the Learning

If you found this article helpful, I’d love to invite you to join my free Learning Through Play Facebook community. It’s a supportive space where parents, caregivers, and educators can learn practical, evidence-informed strategies to help children thrive in everyday routines, play, and participation.